America vs. Malawi

Compared to America, this place is a real mess, but that's why I like it so much. If I'm hungry, I have to start a fire (first finding chopped, dry firewood) and spend at least half an hour cooking meal with smoke all over the place. Most of the conversations that I have with people are pretty shallow. It's hard to talk about anything of meaning when one of us only speaks a little bit of the conversation's language (I am satisfied with my progress-slow and steady-learning Chichewa, but I still can't hear/say anything of real substance.). For this reason, I cherish meeting up with my friends. For, if anything, it is a chance to have a real conversation with someone. The conversations with my fellow Americans are pretty redundant by now; we've been talking about the same things over and over again since we got here. Nevertheless, I always enjoy meeting up with these Yanks and repeating our previous conversation.

America is amazing-it has social security, freeways, online banking, and hospitals with real doctors inside (I remember all of these things, but they don't seem real anymore.). If you drive on a highway in America you don't have to think about which street-with-no-name that you want to turn on to (even in cities, I rarely see street signs) or how much money you'll be willing to bribe the officer at the next road block (road blocks are a real pain in the @#$%, thank God these never became popular back home). In America, even the worst public transport allows for some elbow room. Here, any transport that I'm willing to pay for makes me wish that I didn't have any elbows to drag along with me. In America, people get paid when they don't have a job. Here, you have to pay (bribe) someone just to get a job.

This country's both heartbreaking and hysterical. Heartbreaking due to the excessive suffering that I see every day, and hysterical due to the apathy, ignorance, and humor that is used to deal with this suffering. I still don't think Americans are any happier than Malawians, in spite of all the aforementioned differences. It all depends on your expectations, and here people's expectations are very low- so we are satisfied with the bottom of the barrel. Attitude matters as well, if you want to change something. This attitude for change is something that's lacking here, either it's non-existent or misdirected. I can't imagine living here for a lifetime, but the time that I've spent hear-watching things fall apart before my own eyes- has been fascinating and surreal.

A few weeks ago some low life on the street called me "China" (a derogatory name given to anyone looking at least a little Asian (not necessarily Chinese)-which certainly isn't me). I took my time chewing him out, giving him a brief geography lesson, and scolding him for never going to school to learn these things. that made me feel better, especially when all of his friends started laughing at him. Embarrassment and shame are powerful emotions in this culture, and I try to use them to my advantage when keeping discipline in my classroom as well.

It's kind of sad, but I smile as I watch my house slowly fall apart. I feel bad for whoever will be living here next year. The house was built just before I got here, but it was so poorly made that the cement started crumbling apart a year ago. I should be thankful that it's a lot nicer than most of my friends' houses. This one girl has so many termites in her house that the noise of them munching through the walls woke me up several times in one night.

Most people here are OK with there lives, simply because they aren't truly aware of how much better things could be. Perhaps it is best this way. Unfortunately (or fortunately?) I'm not blissfully ignorant. I'm much too aware of how much better life could be here if fundamental changes were made. However, the steps leading to these fundamental changes (things such as birth control, gender equality, and a legitimate democracy) have too many convoluted strings attached. I don't see things changing much during this generation's lifetime.

About a two months ago, I received a big AAA map of the USA that I put up on a wall in my house. I enjoy gazing at it, dreaming where I'll be living a year from now. My Plan A is to go to graduate school, studying molecular biology. I'm grateful that I had the chance to come to Malawi and figure all this stuff out.

"Convinced myself, I seek not to convince." Edgar Allen Poe