So I've kind of lost interest in this whole blogging thing, but I understand that a lot of you are still interested so here's one more for all of my fans out there:
I'm leaving Malawi this Tuesday, closing a chapter this in my life. I have grown a lot as a person during my three plus years here. I'm ready to move on to bigger and better things (hopefully), but I'm also sad to leave. Many people have been asking me over the past few weeks "What will you miss most about Malawi?" The answer is simple: my friends. I have built many strong relationships over the past few years, and I have to admit that saying "goodbye" to everyone hasn't been easy. My time here has been well spent, but I am spent, and I want to go home for a little while. I plan to come back someday, but I've got some business to take care of first.
To end things, here are a few words of wisdom:
In general, poor people are cooler than rich people.
The best way to charm a Malawian woman is to bring her pumpkins from your garden.
"Give me my money!" is not an effective begging strategy.
It's important to have a balanced diet. If most of your calories come from maize and overcooked greens, your wounds will heal slowly and become easily infected, you'll find yourself tired all of the time, and (if you're a growing boy) you'll be more likely to end up six feet under rather than six feet tall by the time you're 18.
Be wary of over-polite strangers; they probably want something from you.
When you teach a man to fish instead of giving him a fish, make sure that you teach his neighbors as well so they don't become jealous and jack his fishing pole.
Life is less complicated when you only have one brand of beer to choose from.
Life is more complicated when you had one too many beers and forgot to put on a condom.
Life is less complicated when you don't have to fill up your car with gas because you don't have a car.
Life is more complicated when you can't fill up your car with gas because of daily fuel shortages and mile long lines at the gas stations.
Life is less complicated when you fall off your bike and into the mud when you're almost home.
Life is more complicated when you fall off your bike and into the mud 20 kilometers from home while wearing your nice clothes.
Life is less complicated when you know that there isn't a chance in hell that a single drop of rain will fall between the months of May and October.
Life is more complicated when it pours rain for three days straight and there's mud everywhere.
Akon was cool the first 1000 times I heard him.
Michael Jackson will always be cool.
It's not fashionable for a grown man to wear children's snow pants as shorts in the middle of summer (or any time of year for that matter).
Washing your hands with soap isn't easy when you can't afford soap.
If you're too cheap to buy TP, then a suitable substitute is unclaimed exams from you're students. (I understand that this point is debatable)
It is much easier to read a magazine while on a toilet instead of while squatting over a hole in the ground.
It is much easier to squat over a hole in the ground rather than squating over a toilet with no seat.
If you're walking through the bus depot looking lost with three half-opened bags in your hands while talking on your IPhone, then you deserve to be robbed.
The best time for a misanthrope to go out in public is Sunday morning.
Having people's undivided attention is good when you have something to say but bad when you want to crawl into a hole.
A kid can't learn to read and write if he has to heard cows all day.
A kid can't learn to speak English if her teacher can't put a full sentence together.
It is not any fun to live in a place where it's necessary to have three guards and a ten-foot fence around your house.
If over half of your students are failing, then it's a lot easier to grade their exams if you have a good buzz going.
If over half of your students are failing even though you work your butt off and can objectively be considered at least an average teacher, then your students probably just aren't very smart.
If you don't understand what a democracy is, then you probably shouldn't try to institute one.
Finally, this place is really, really messed up...and that's why I like it so much.
Nkhuku yanjiru siiswa. Chewa Proverb
[Translation: A jealous chicken will not hatch chicks.]
